she's pregnant.

i can't figure out what i think, not that what i think so much matters. it's just those words.

those are the words that toss everything into a swirl above your head and you have no control where or how they land, like cards fluttering in play.

it makes me think about the way i handle 'tragedy' (i'm not sold on that being the correct word for the situation). hers is monumental, life altering. mine was wimpy in comparison, a blip on the radar. but she was still very much alive and happy and positive, didn't cry, concerned with others, not all about herself. i'm pathetic. just plain pathetic.

life changes. the statement is not profound.

but when its change touches us, or touches the one we love, and changes them, we realize we are citizens in a world we do not rule, cannot rule. like the afternoon sun, we cannot avoid its touch. though we try to shield its brightness, its heat remains. we will always be the affected.

theres a lot inside me that i can't sort out right now. can't put my finger on: my love for my friends, our toying with destruction, Your incredible kindness we can run to even though its always You we offend the greatest. You are good to us, beyond us, to give us Yourself and to give us each other, to live life together, to fall together, to know happiness together and struggle through tragedy just the same. there's richness, a great wealth, to be found, ironically, in the whole gammit.