Beautiful Piece of Heartache

Jesus wept. John 11:35

why did He weep? He knew what was going on. He already revealed that lazarus was dead, that He was going there to raise him up. none of this hit with the blow of surprise upon which most tragedy enters.

i was reading this passage earlier this evening, when the sun was still beating hot upon my bed, slipping me in and out of a drunken kind of sleep. it was a long day.
and it's been an even longer 2 weeks. the connection is distant. the urgency is gone. the sadness i once awoke to each morning has lifted like the morning fog, dissolved into the past. still there, still mindful...just not a fight for hope anymore. the urgency is just gone.

i retrace my steps, trying to get back to where we left off, filling in the details in between, grasping at His interpretation to recent days. then i read john 11.

we just don't get it sometimes. all throughout the chapter, jesus says one thing, his people think it means another, and then he's got to go back and "tell them plainly." see for yourself.

i wonder how i'm misinterpreting my days. my situations. my mary "if you had been here, this wouldn't have happened" moments. through Time He tells me plainly.

maybe jesus wept for us in that moment because we just don't understand. maybe he wept for all our wrong conclusions, all our ache that comes from situations we cannot understand or reckon with, all our tunnel vision, tunnel trust. when the truth is He is there, He is aware, and He's doing something about it.

"what a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be" otr