Labor Day

had the friends over tonight for homemade tortilla soup and broc-ched (as tom calls it). listening to the fire theft now. there's a candle burning beside me. and two sunflowers from rosa in front of me. i love nights like these, when life feels rich, like a thick, royal robe that wraps 'round the day.

i was reading Job earlier this morning. what's that all about? he's suffering, hating life. his friends think they know what's up, Job wonders what's up, and all along some scheme is being played out that neither camp knows about. after reading two chapters worth, I stopped and thought 'that was pointless.' no great life lesson, no thought to carry me through the day. but then my life was on those pages, all my friends speaking up on what they think (know) is happening in my life, my ponderings of what's happening, and their conclusions on what i must do. all their thoughts, estimations, even accusations, all well-meaning, all because there's just this thing about us that's gotta understand what the hell is going on all the time. it's that very need that drives me to the pages of the book every day and evening. i want to understand. at every twist and turn i need to know what's going on.

but Job doesn't find out for a couple more chapters. things don't change for quite some time. he's just gotta wait it out. i've just gotta wait it out. God is not some inside ticket to the workings of our days. i want Him to be. i've thrown fits for it to be that way. but He doesn't comply. He just comes in the quiet, brushes back the hair clinging to my wet face and stays with me another night. someday i'll understand.

. hindsight is always 20/20.