quick to love

last night i sang.

i sing a lot because i have to, but last night it wasn't under those terms. i didn't have to do it well or do it in full. what began with a reluctant pause turned into a prayer of painfully wanting this sound to be different than more recent times, more sincere than someone else's composed words performed in usual manner on my tongue.

and then when those words came up, the song was choked out by some life welling up in long dead eyes. tears never felt so clear, refreshing or welcomed. seldom are they a qualifier, but nonetheless, i could sing no longer. life had come back to me, in small part, carried on three words. "quick to love."

it silenced me because i cannot identify with it. i am quick to pass judgement, to find the holes in you and in everything you think. it silenced me because once i could identify with it, and because once upon a time i could readily accept it. and there it was, quickly coming to me the moment i stopped. honesty is where the preface begins.

trouble is i'm so exhausted
the plot, you see, i think i lost it
i need the grace to find what can't be found